Quote of the Hurricane

"There are a lot of bad winds coming out the back end of Katrina."

Peabody

You should check these guys out. They're playing at Ding Dong in the city on Friday, I'll probably be going, unless I find myself on the island.

I haven't heard their album, but that track Wrecking Ball is a blast - a straight-ahead rocker, kind of in the Queens of the Stone Age mould.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Mr Smith.

From the BBC: "Mr Smith, a professional cannonball, was launched head first across the border between Tijuana, in Mexico, and the US city of San Diego.

"His son, also a human cannonball, says Mr Smith is the first person to be fired across an international border."

Canada would never do this!

I've been meaning to link to this site for a while. Hilarious.

Are you kucking fidding?

It's hard not to just throw in the towel and move to New Zealand when you read today of a push by Liberal backbenchers to put a ban on Muslim headscarfs in state schools.

The push - launched by MP Sophie Panopoulos - has been given new weight today with Bronwyn Bishop backing the ban on national television.

"What we're really seeing in our country is a clash of cultures and indeed, the headscarf is being used as a sort of iconic item of defiance," she says.

Dems leader Lyn Allison hit on the head when she described the call as deliberatly divisive: "It seems to me that by saying that young people who go to state schools wish to wear a head scarf they can't but they can wear a head scarf if they go to a religious school."

"What that says is that we want to be separated. It doesn't say we want integration and that we want to improve relations between cultural groups and religious groups.

"It says if you are religious, you should go to a religious school."

You may remember ol' Bron from such government scandals as the "Riverside Nursing Home kerosine baths". You remember. It got her demoted to the backbench and she's been doing all she can to stay relevant since.

Brendan Nelson doesn't support the ban - HOLY CRAP, I AGREE WITH BRENDAN NELSON - so hopefully this will die a quick death. No thanks to BRON.

"Show me some skin."

Long buried nanna exhumed in guinea-pig protest

Yeah, good question.

Devastating Winds Of Terror aside...

Holy Shit it's a beautiful weekend in Melbourne.

I'm going outside to get IN it.

Hurricane Katrina

We Can Be Heroes: Finding The Australian Of The Year

Indigeridoo Indigeridoo/ Indigeri digeri digeridoo/ Aborigine me/ Aborigine you/ We're not just the people who eat kangaroo*

If you haven't been watching We Can Be Heroes on the ABC then I really think you need to stop and rethink your priorities. It is a mockumentary comedy series following the lives of five Australians as they compete for the honour of Australian of the Year.

Sixteen year old Sydney school girl Ja'mie King is gold. She holds the national record for sponsoring 85 Sudanese children (one who looks, like, exactly like Usher) - "If it wasn't for me, you guys would be like, totally dead."

There are six episodes in total, but thanks to the sickness of Aunty, there are already a stack of great clips online. Go here to meet Ja'mie. She'll change your life.

*Lyrics from the Chinese Musical Theatre Group's original stage production of "Indigeridoo, the musical" starring Melbourne University physics student and Australian of the Year hopeful Ricky Wong.

This one goes out to you, Thommo...

"It will make you go blind!" The Age, August 16

I WANT EMOTICONS IN REAL LIFE

I'm gunna start carrying flash cards.













More? YES PLEASE!

Found on SEEK.com.au

Rockstar

Our client is a leading rock record label who are looking to hire a young, talented and enthusiastic rock muscian to play fuckin sick emo songs to thousands of screaming and moshing fans everynight.

For this position you will have advanced skills in rocking out and developing skills in screaming and trashing stages and hotel rooms.

Attractive renumeration will be offered to the sucessful candidate with bonuses including travelling internationaly and a paid party every night of the week with groupies and other awesome bands.

------------------------------------------

I have been trawling through SEEK and MYCAREER and I can't find this position. Fuckin weak!!

You know your web log has hit a snag when...

The last 4 posts were made by the same person...

You know your career has hit a snag...

...when your boss introduces you as "our helper".

Life with Ben: in the office...

I just had to lift a gigantic new printer into place.

Xerox guy: "Hey mate, can we borrow your muscles for a moment?"
Me: Wow, this personal training must be paying off! "Sure."
Xerox guy: "It's a new printer. It's pretty heavy."
Me: I'm sure I'll be able to handle it! As you've already spotted, I am MUSCULAR and MANLY. "Cool."
Xerox guy: "Okay, we lift on three."
Me: OMG, this is really heavy. "It's not too heavy."
Xerox guy: *straining*
Me: "Or maybe you got the heavy end."
Xerox guy: "Story of my life. If I'd had Raquel Welch as a mother I would have been bottle fed."

Welcome to our new home!

The United Notions has moved from www.theunitednotions.net to the gloriously free theunitednotions.blogspot.com.

The only functional change is to the comments system - the "recent comments" function is gone.

Oh, and see that black bar across the top of the frame? You just click up there if you want to post.

MySpace Rupert's Space

Looks like you jumped on the MySpace bandwagon moments too late Bikky. Now Rupert owns your cyber-soul.

Nasal warfare the wages of Sin City

It's times like these I wish I was still in high school doing debates about the impact of violent films on young minds - this would have been GOLD!!

This is from that FUCKING GREAT BIG NEWSPAPER The Age, today:

A movie-goer who had part of his nose bitten off in a brawl over the merits of a Hollywood blockbuster faces criminal charges.

Nathan Turnbull, 19, of Bathurst, has been charged with assault occasioning actual bodily harm, affray and offensive conduct in a public place.

His alleged attacker, a 22-year-old Bathurst man, has been charged with assault occasioning grievous bodily harm, affray and offensive conduct in a public place.

Turnbull needed emergency surgery to reattach his nose after the two men allegedly got into a brawl at the Metro Cinemas at Bathurst on July 17 after a screening of the film Sin City.

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On an unrelated note:

Buckle Up Boys Boyz (II Men)

Hold on to your heart strings people - Boyz II Men ('sup Wanya! 'ay Shawn! et al. We totally like missed you guys!) are returning to Australia in what industry outsiders are calling a Tour d' Force. The Legacy Tour includes all of their great hit(s)... like One Sweet Day, I'll Make Love To You and On Bended Knee. OMG, do you think butter would even melt in their mouths? No.

Now, unfortunately the $95 price tag to see the BIIM at Festival Hall only includes three Boyz. Unlike aging rockers who are forced to retire when they Die from drug overdoses or bullet holes to the body, the forth of the Boyz (Michael) was taken down by rheumatoid arthritis. Evidently those dance moves really were too funky for the floor. Word.

Anyway - don't forget their new album: Throwback. (Now if that's not an apt title then I don't know what is.)

Volume 1?! Is that a threat?